


Substitute

by StagnationRebel



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, BBC, BBC Sherlock - Freeform, Doubt, Johnlock - Freeform, Love, M/M, Mary Passed, One Shot, substitute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:02:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1472482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StagnationRebel/pseuds/StagnationRebel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For years, Mary has been dropping hints about John to Sherlock, about her own life, and for so long, Sherlock didn't understand. Then one day, Mary was gone and he finally understood. John loved Sherlock, and Sherlock loved John. So what's stopping them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitute

_“Sherlock, you know I won’t always be around,” she sighed, eyes hardly glancing his way. “He’ll need someone.”_

At the time, Sherlock had no clue as to what she was talking about, but now, years later, Sherlock knew. Cancer. It wasn’t quick, taking its time. Mary had found out a good year or so before she met John. She had quit her way of living to be normal, to live in peace, not counting on falling in love.

            _There was a soft smile on her lips, sadness breaking her blue eyes, “I know he loves me for me, but I also know that for the longest time, I was a substitute for you after he thought you’d died.”_

            There was something Mary had always been trying to convey to Sherlock, but he just didn’t get it. He was clueless. There was still so much that Sherlock was trying to understand when it came to people, the things they say, the things that they do. Especially when it concerned John. He had always been some exception to the rules of humanity. Mary, it appeared, was another kind of exception.

            _“He loves you,” she finally told him, tired of dropping clues. “For a while, I always thought it might have been because  you two were simply best friends because, well, friends can love each other as well. But then one day-” she stopped, scoffing lightly at the memory her mind was conjuring up. “Then one day I recognized the look he was giving you as you pranced around after solving a case. It was more then just love. He may not be a gay man, Sherlock Holmes, but when it comes you, you’re his exception.”_

Through it all, Sherlock always questioned one thing. Why was she telling him? Yeah, sure it was nice to know that John cared about him, but Sherlock has realized that the day John asked Sherlock to be his best man, told him that Sherlock was his best friend. More then likely, especially because Mary was the one telling him, there had to be another reason.

            For so long, Sherlock tried to figure it out. After Mary passed, it drove Sherlock mad to know he might never get an answer and it broke his heart to see the effect her passing had on John. Days would go by where he wouldn’t eat or sleep or even speak. His eyes became haunted, like a man who had watched his own beating heart be torn from his chest and consumed by the beast that took it. When John did sleep, he always woke looking worse for the ware, nightmares storming in his head during the night. Doing his best, Sherlock tried to help John pull the pieces back together again, always secretly wondering if this is how John had been when he thought Sherlock had died.

            Over time, John began to heal. There would be the occasional slip of a smile, color in his cheeks, a sound of laughter. Slowly, John returned to his old self, and yet not his old self. Sherlock could see the change from a young but wise beyond years to a man who was tortured by all that made him wise.

            It was upon that day though, the day Sherlock realized John would survive the passing of his wife, that Sherlock had his answer. Mary told him all of those things because she knew Sherlock loved John too; that John was his exception to more then just the rules in his head, but his heart as well.

            At the moment, John was out, giving Sherlock the time to think. After discovering his love for John, he had taken some time to figure out what to do about it, and decided now, that a date was in order. Dating, though, was not in Sherlock’s resume, not when it came to dating someone he actually had feelings for. Something like this deserved careful consideration, serious planning.

            How would he ask John out?

            How would he even tell John he had feelings for him?

            Would John say yes?

            If yes, what would they do?

            What if things changed between them?

            Sherlock was ruffling his hair, frustrated with his mind’s inability to figure out such a game, when John walked in. Time did a freeze frame and Sherlock stared for a moment at John. Grocery bags rested in his hands, a flustered and slightly annoyed grimace on his face- the same expression he wore almost every time he went to the market. He seemed okay, like he might smile even with the fresh haunting in his eyes.

            In that moment, a new thought occurred to Sherlock, something he had considered before. As the thought sifted through his mind, a slow horror began to build in Sherlock, brick by brick that caused him to reconsider everything. It filled him with doubt, not for his own feelings, but for John’s.

If Mary had been a substitute for Sherlock those many years ago, would Sherlock become a substitute for Mary?


End file.
